<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>To Tell You Something by Spayne</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24503998">To Tell You Something</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spayne/pseuds/Spayne'>Spayne</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Killing Eve (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:14:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>867</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24503998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spayne/pseuds/Spayne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An attempt at pillow talk.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>272</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Tell You Something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“You know, I think yesterday was the first time I’ve seen you with your hair down”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">As you say it you turn your head to find she’s still breathing hard and is looking at you with a barely there smile on her prettily flushed face. Her mouth still shiny with you and a feeling pinches in your chest again.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“That’s the first thing you choose to say to me after that?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“It’s the first thing you said to me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She raises her eye brows and tilts her head in a small gesture of acknowledgment. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I think I told you to wear it down, if we are being strict about it.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Still pre-occupied over who’s leading?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“That was always your concern. Ive mostly known the answer.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She shrugs one shoulder slightly, </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Mostly.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She seems different tonight. Or maybe this is what she’d always have looked like if you took away the hanging threat that you’d leave her. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Confident is the wrong word, she’s always been that. Well, mostly. Confident would encompass that smugness you’ve always found so annoying, so charming. Whatever else you could describe her as in this moment the word you settle on is still. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">No wonder you’ve never seen this on her before. She’s always been running, or chasing, or something, but never just still with you. Paris is the closest you’ve come to seeing her like this.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“This reminds me of Paris”, you venture.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She does move then, rolls on her side and props her head on her arm. There’s no sheet, and it’s....a lot. You give yourself a second to look at the body you’ve just spent the last few hours completely absorbed in. You raise your eyes to meet hers, and there it is, the familiar self satisfied smirk flitting across her mouth.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“This is your version of pillow talk?”, she teases</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I just meant...”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I know what you meant”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I’m not going to stab you again”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She barks out a laugh.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“After my very thorough strip search, I’m pretty sure I’m safe”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Don’t be a dick. I’m trying to...trying to tell you something.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She suppresses another smile, mimes zipping her mouth closed and let’s you continue.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I wanted to show you that I was something more than you thought I was, not just ....you know”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">God this is really fucking difficult. This honesty that you are both trying on for size still feels strange in your mouth.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I just....I just want you to know that I want to stop hurting you as a way to ....tell you stuff. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">I don’t know, I just wanted to say that.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She looks at you and puts her hand to her mouth questioningly. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">You nod.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She mimes undoing the zip. Of course she does.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s2">“I didn’t know what you were trying to tell me then. </span>Obviously.</p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It really fucking hurt. I knew afterwards. But yes, simpler all round if next time just say whatever it is you want.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She allows herself to fall back onto the mattress and runs her finger over the scar. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Your fingers follow hers.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Her head snaps round. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Don’t say that. No, you aren’t.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">You pause.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Ok. I’m not.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She nods once and returns to stare at the ceiling.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“What are the words you used in Paris? ‘Not conventional’. You trashed my apartment because you liked me. You hired me to kill you because you missed me. You chase me all over the world because you....”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She trails off, then begins again.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“And you stabbed me because you wanted me to see you. Don’t be sorry for that”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">You’re right about what you said to her before. She is so many things.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“And it was also because you were a little angry with me. I suppose”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">You huff out a laugh.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Yeah”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“But yes, next time, just tell me or kiss me or fuck me. Whichever.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Ok”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Ok.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Did you know I’d turn around tonight?”, you ask her.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She’s quiet for a time, you think that maybe she won’t answer.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Honestly, I don’t know”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“We almost lost each other for good tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Yes. Do you want to ask me why?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I think I know.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Ask me anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">You sigh, still nervous of where this openness will lead. “Go on then”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I wanted to show you something too. Show you that I could do something only for you.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">You’re quiet too then.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“You leave me to show me you love me”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She airily waves a hand in the air above her.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“It is not conventional”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“No. So next time just tell me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“You did not want to hear it before”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">You pause then. You turn to her and reach out to run a hand along her jaw and turn her face back to you.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“I wasn’t ready then”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She sighs.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">You continue, “Next time, you can just tell me. Next time you say it I will listen, I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Her eyes are shiny with unshed tears again and you want to give her back that lightness from earlier.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Or, you know, kiss me or fuck me. Whichever.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She laughs then and wipes a hand across her face.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Maybe you aren’t so bad at pillow talk after all”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>